How Do You Face the Fear of Failure?

Fear of failure is a very common emotion, including for people in high-level or high-stress jobs. And even professionals who have been tremendously successful in their careers thus far worry that their streak of achievements is going to end -- What if you don’t close a deal when the client needs it done? What if you don’t achieve your sales or revenue goals this year? What if a trial doesn’t go well and the client loses faith in you?

These fears can hold you back, even paralyze you from making decisions and taking steps to try to get ahead of an issue. And fear can impact your physical, emotional and cognitive well-being, as you become consumed by the dread of what will happen if you do fail. So how do you face the risk of failure in a better way?

Recognize that you are not alone

Everyone fails at some point in their lives – in their careers, personal relationships, or other areas. There are no perfect people, and no one has gone through life without making a mistake or experiencing setbacks. If you spend your time dreading failure, you’re losing sight of the reality that our lives always have ups and downs. And even the most successful and famous people can flop, sometimes very publicly; for a great illustration of this, just look at news stories about Bill Clinton’s speech at the 1988 US Democratic National Convention.

Knowing your situation is not unique can also suggest that other people’s experiences with similar failures may provide insight into how you can move forward. You aren’t the first person to have a setback, and it may be helpful to reach out to a trusted colleague or friend to seek their thoughts based on what happened to them. Talking with someone who has been there can offer a way to think differently about where you go, what you do, and how you keep in perspective something that you’d like to put behind you.

The worst that can happen is usually not what will happen

When you start thinking about how you may fail at something, your thoughts may start escalating to unrealistic ideas of worst-case scenarios. For example, if you missed a big deadline, you might start envisioning how this will mean you’ll never get promoted at your company or will never get hired by anyone again. But if you stop to take a minute to breathe and think calmly about the misstep or error, you will probably recognize that the consequences usually are not as dire as you envision.

Before you begin planning for the most awful results, ask yourself what is really most likely to happen. For example, you might have to explain to your manager how you erred or prepare to tell your client that a critical piece of evidence was overlooked. And you’ll want to come up with a strategy for what you can do to mitigate any damage. As you start thinking through how to have those conversations, and what you can do to regain others’ confidence as well as your own, it’s likely that you will realize that the worst outcome may not be the most probable one. 

You can survive and thrive even if you fail

So what happens if the consequences of failure are significant – e.g., you don’t get a bonus this year, you lose a client that decides to take their business elsewhere, or now you need to look for another job? Then you may have to confront some tough realities. You may be taking a step back from spending money that now isn’t coming to you, having to hustle to find new business, or sending out resumes and leveraging your network to get interviews. That probably isn’t where you want to be, but focusing on the skills you have and how you can use them will help you move away from the past and towards recovery.

In comparison, think of what happens when you have a physical setback, such as breaking a leg because you slipped on icy steps. You’ll probably be limited in your mobility for a while, and you might miss out on some things while you have to focus on rehabilitation. You may have to revisit some goals (e.g., running a marathon), and switch to others (e.g., learning to swim). But you can find a new path. Think also about how you have survived setbacks before, and what you did to reassert yourself as you went through your recovery.

Failure does not define you

As Winston Churchill said: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” How you approach failure, how you deal with it, and what you do to recover from it are far more indicative of your character and your abilities. When something goes wrong, it’s also important to recognize the things that are going well or the resources you have to draw on to improve your situation. What can you do to refocus or reestablish yourself in a way that highlights your strengths and skills? In addition, how can you learn from the failure to grow and benefit from it?

Another great way of looking at a failure to is ask yourself how much it will matter in five minutes, five weeks, five months, or five years? The longer the time frame, the less critical the error will seem. Putting a bad moment in perspective by examining where it fits in the broader picture of your life can be enormously beneficial. It can also help you to move on more quickly, and to begin to put the failures of the past behind you as you aim towards the future.

If you are struggling with a mistake or hurdle in your professional career that is challenging you, coaching can assist in helping you to more forward. Please reach out if I can be of assistance in working with you in that regard.